My child peed all over my worship experience.
She didn't literally pee all over it. Afterwards. On my newly-cleaned floor. After bedtime. And tracked pee down the hall.
Here's how it happened: Tonight I went to Dawson's Candlelight worship service. To say it was beautiful would be a vast understatement. I've been before, but it's been a while and I don't remember loving it as much. If you are in Birmingham tomorrow, Sunday the 18th, BE THERE. I am often moved by music; it is one way that I enjoy worshiping. I rarely cry, though. Tonight the Holy Spirit used the music, the candlelight, my week, the old man singing "Silent Night" too fast and off key, and the random row of kids holding their candles awkwardly high to move me to tears. Tonight I was reminded of why I used to live for singing. I wish I could commit to something like a choir again. But I digress...
Do you ever start doing "good" at something, and then let it go to your head? That's me. Always. The moment I feel I can check things off my list, something changes - pride? arrogance? self righteousness? - takes over and I trick myself into believing I've accomplished something on my own. When we moved here I was determined to be okay about all of it, but knew I would need the Lord's help. I have been very specific to set my alarm early enough to do my quiet time before Addie wakes up and Brad gets home from his run. I've really enjoyed reconnecting with college friend, etc. I felt like the things I had done had made our move a success. That, however, is where Satan sneaks in and takes root in our hearts in the form of bitterness. For example...
This week has been more than a little iffy. Brad's been gone all week and is coming home tonight. (Yay!) Addison is doing this somewhat new, super independent thing, and it has totally worn me out! I am not unused to Brad being gone; as a youth minister in Pensacola, he was gone several weeks each summer. Toddler Addison has made it considerably more difficult. I also felt continuously more and more bitter about being alone this week, and away from our friends, and Brad's busy work schedule coming up, etc. By Friday I was in one of those moods where you just want to stay on the couch watching (gasp!) Lifetime Christmas movies all day. The Spirit did some talking to me yesterday and today.
I was certainly ready for and in need of a reminder of what Christmas is about! When Addison and I got home from church I felt like a totally renewed person. Then dinner (and throwing food) happened. And after a shower she peed before I could get a diaper on her. And tracked it down the hall. In less than an hour and a half I was back to square one: not living as one in freedom and grace found in Jesus, but as one just barely making it through the day.
So now I am thinking in metaphors: pee = life. Just as Addie's pee took me out of the "good" place the Holy Spirit had finally put me in, life can do the same to us. We need to be on guard against the experiences that draw us away from our sweet Savior and the life He has for us. To be on guard, we have to be in the Word, and remind ourselves that He is the creator of every good thing, attitude, experience. In other words: I do nothing good on my own. There are no words to tell how I wish this came naturally for me!
I heard a song tonight that was new to me: Joy, from Seed Family Ministry. I could not write down the lyrics fast enough, but they were based out of Luke 2, when the Angel appeared to the shepherds and told them that Jesus would bring...
Joy that will be for all people.... Peace to men... on whom His favor rests.
It made me think about God's favor. Oohh sigh. How did I get this favor? These many, many blessings? Why was I lucky enough to? Oh Lord, thank you for resting your favor on me! Continue to do so.
Another song, That Night (Huff) made me think about how God the Father felt on Christmas.
And the Father rejoiced, for He did not lose His son, but regained those who had been lost.
Imagine, God rejoiced that I was returned to Him, in spite of what it would cost Him. Wow.
And now for the little toddler who "don't want too"... Addison's newest phrase leads me to believe she doesn't want to do anything. Ugh.
|Waiting to see Santa.... She was not this excited when the moment came.|
|Caught eating oreo peppermint bark before we were finished.|
Now may the joy that seems to pass us all by be yours this week as you celebrate a wonderful, Holy day. Merry Christmas!