Poop Clothes

I warn you: the information you are about to read may be disturbing.

I questioned putting this out there, for everyone / anyone who actually reads this thing to read and see.  My friend and partner in poop told me that it was too good not to put here, so alas, I'm disclosing my child's poop fiascos on the internet.  (We'll save it for her rehearsal dinner.)

Yesterday started out as an adventerous Friday; I should have known it would be interesting.  We hit Coffee Cup for breakfast with Brad, then Addison and I were headed to a corn maze and park in Milton for some fun with the "Big Kids."  Addie thoroughly enjoyed checking out all the running and playing everyone else got to do; she and I took notes on all that she'll be able to do next year at this fun park!

There were lots of pictures taken.  Of course, by the time the mommies started snapping these, the kiddos were getting hot, and we had a couple of melt downs on our hands.

We handled the meltdowns, loaded everyone in their cars, and hit McDonalds.  (Addie did not have a Happy Meal.)  As we were leaving, I noticed my child doing her business while I was holding her. 
              (I'd like to pause here to mention that it goes against everything in me to
              discuss these details in public.  Forgive the disgusting-ness.  I'm pretty sure,
              however, that anyone reading this has had a similar situation or you will.)
Lindsey, her daughter Emmy, and I were walking to the car as I felt the situation in my child's diaper grow.  I started changing her in the back of Lindsey's car (sorry friend!), and everything fell apart.  We had a massive poop disaster!  It was on my arm, all in Addie's jeans, up her back, etc.  It was ridiculous.  I had just repacked her diaper bag and forgotten to include an extra onesie... Oops.  She rode home in only her diaper.  We got home and Brad was like "Why is my child naked?"  It was laundry day, big time.

Fast forward to today.  I had our gal dressed up (please note the adorable jean jacket! how cute !) and we headed to Foley for some shopping at the outlets with my friend Ali.  I had some birthday money burning a hole in my pocket, so we got there early.  After
a couple of hours, and Addison's "second
breakfast," we were in Gymboree.  The
saleswoman was absolutely the worst person to
work in a children's store.  She glared at
everyone, was not helpful, and was rude to us
as we were checking out.  Ali and I were standing
in line deciding our final purchases when I noticed
that we had a similar situation to yesterday.  I adjusted how I was holding Addie, hoping to avoid a disaster, when my little pooper started making a face.  (You know... the face.)
About the time I told Ali I was going to skip check out and head to a restroom, Ali said "umm, Maile, I can see it."  Now, you have to understand the slow-motion timing of this.  As I realized how much my child was producing, Ali saw it, and as she told me I felt it drip onto my shoe.  That's right- MY SHOE!!!  This is a new level of gross.  As a new mom, I feel like I've had a ton of gross, but on my shoe?  IN THE STORE???  Good grief!  It actually dripped on the floor of the Gymboree, in front of the extremely rude-and-unhelpful-sales woman!  I was immediately apologetic, and asked for something to clean it up, but Addison was not finished.  My sweet friend Ali stayed behind to handle clean up and checkout, while Addison and I went to ruin a bathroom.  And ruin it we did!  When all was said and done, we'd spent 20 minutes in the restroom, almost emptied our wipe container, and both Addison and I changed clothes.  (Good thing we were at a mall!)  Ali is such a good friend, she actually rinsed our poop clothes while I was changing Addison!!!  Wow.  (I will accompany you and your future child to the mall and rinse your poop clothes one day, friend!)

I'm not sure how much you can tell from the picture, besides the highlighter-yellow stain, but that is poop dripping to my knee.  (Again, I aplogize for the graphic-ness.  I just don't think anyone would believe me without pictures.)  To top everything off, I realized in the middle of clean-up that I'd mistakenly walked out of the store with an un-paid-for outfit in my stroller!  I had to got back to the scene of the crime to return it!  Augh the walk of shame!
Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Yep, that's a lot of poop..."  You'd be right, but that wasn't all of it.  Within 3 hours Addie had messed up yet another outfit of hers.  By that time we were all so worn out and tired of poop that I just stripped her and we headed home... that's right Addie came home naked two days in a row!  Just imagine what Brad had to say about that!

All clothes are soaking in Oxiclean as I type and it'll be a fun night of laundry... AGAIN!