Confessions of a Grown-up Cheerleader...

Literal and figurative.  It's been awhile, so here goes...
Literal Grown-up Cheerleader
I cheered in high school.  I was a high-ponytail and ribbon-wearing, overly cheerful, hard working cheerleader.  Shocked?  Maybe if you're familiar with the grown-up me (the sarcasm-laced realist) that's surprising, but probably not.  Since college, I've been coaching.  In just five years, I feel like I experienced all the different kinds of cheerleaders a coach can: super talented, athletic but not cheery, school-spirit crazed, and the parents-ohh the parents! Yikes!  Today I spent a little while helping with tryouts at EHS, where I used to teach and coach.  Watching some of the girls I knew made me miss it.  I loved the music and the dancing, and I loved seeing those girls who make the hard stuff look so simple.  So when my friend asked if I'm interested in helping next year, I paused to think about it....  then thought about little Addison and said nope.

Figurative Cheerleader
Addison is starting to crawl.  She's been getting up on all fours and rocking for several weeks now.  She scoots backwards very fast.  Tonight, though, she took her first few feet forward, trying to get her doll.  I sat across from her and clapped and yelled and clapped some more, acting like a fool for the better part of 30 minutes, until she faced planted for a third time and got upset.

Literal Confessions
Have you ever noticed how God uses themes?  He's been using one on me lately that's pretty scary.  I've been doing Beth Moore's Bible study on Esther, and have been reading about how often we are brought to a place "for such a time as this."  Wednesday night most of the study was on fear-living in it and becoming Believers free from it.  Last weekend was our women's retreat for church, and I served on the committee.  In preparation for a different, challenging, retreat, I read our speaker's book, Passport Through Darkness, Kimberly L. Smith.  READ IT.  READ IT NOW.  GET YOUR CHURCH TO PUT IT IN THEIR LIBRARY.  (Ours has it.)  Good grief what a read!  It was heart-wrenching and beautiful.  Kimberly chronicles her spiritual journey through co-founding Make Way Partners ministry, working with victims of sex-trafficking in Spain and the Sudan, and the path her marriage took along the way.  By telling her story, she challenges readers to consider that our vocation and jobs may be different, and our calling may be much larger than we've ever imagined, and to question if we willing and open to hear it from God.  My answer: I thought so.  I thought I'd answered "send me God" several years ago, when I was afraid to support Brad in his ministry at first, and later told him and God that I would go wherever.  After reading and hearing from Kimberly, I found myself adding an ending to my sentence: "send me God, but please no place scary."  Considering the admonition from Esther/Beth Moore to be free from fear, I now need a new prayer: not just send me, but mold me, into a servant who is honestly willing to go wherever and do whatever.  I'm not there yet.  In fact, whenever I think about it and get excited at the prospect of getting there, I get nervous again at where the "there" will be. 
(Is that the most confusing confession you've ever read or what?)

So... I'm going to continue in my sarcastic-realist-optimism and cheer Addison on, and do better at cheering Brad on.  I'm not wearing ribbons and cheerleading skirts any more, but I occasionally sport a high pony and put ribbons in my child's hair.  I'm learning more and more daily about how everything is a heart-matter; whatever I'm doing, and wherever I'm going, should be sincerely heart-led.  Is my heart big enough?  Nope, but my Heavenly Father's is, and His spirit enables me.

from several weeks ago, when she started trying to pull up;
she's been unsuccessful at this on her own so far.  Wouldn't you want to cheer her on?