Our calling...

I've been thinking about this for some time now: what is "God's will" for our lives, or what is "our calling."  So often it sounds far-off, and long-term or permanent.  Why can't God's will, or my calling for that matter, be temporary?  I wondered that when I quit teaching; I assumed that if I was truly called into education then that's what I was supposed to do for life.  (Aren't I teaching now?  I teach constantly!  "Addie, that's a pumpkin."  "That sound is an airplane.")  Then I read an article that touched on this, and today we talked about it for a minute in our Sunday School lesson, so now it's on my mind...  Don't we have multiple callings in life???

Take my mom for example.  She is a gifted educator.  I don't know very many others who could work for so long with preschool special ed and not lose their touch.  That is one of her callings.  She is also our Mama.  She get's multiple phone calls each week seeking advice on everything from should I take my child to the doctor to what kind of cleaner do you use on your new counter tops.  She came to help me pack our house 3 years ago when we moved to Pensacola.  She is also a daughter.  Mom takes care of, listens to, shops for, and often has to ignore my crazy, ailing Tutu.  She helps lead a young adult Sunday school class, hoping to grow that population in their small church and looking forward to mentoring young couples.  Most of all my mom is a wife.  That is certainly a calling!  She has given up all sorts of things for the sake of my dad's job.  She's is supportive and loyal and loving.  If we asked my mom what her calling is, her answer might depend on what she's doing and who she's focusing on that day.

I guess what I'm saying is, what is your calling today?  This week?  This season in your life?  Several years ago it became clear to me that God has blessed me with husband who is a minister.  (I know that sounds obvious, but it took some banging my head against the wall for me to get exactly what that entails.)  This means that Brad is not mine alone, and our plans for our family, like all followers of Him, are not really ours to make.  As a part of that, I feel that I'm called to be Brad's supporter and encourager.  When he feels led to do something and go somewhere, God showed me that I am to pray for Brad, talk through changes and plans, and to be open to whatever.  Now please understand: this does not come easy for me!  I am a planner by nature; I like timelines and concrete calendars.  The Holy Spirit is making me available and willing to face this new adventure.  I am "called" to be open to squeezing into a tiny rental.  I am "called" to make the transition as easy as possible for Addison.  I am "called" to make this move as easy as possible for Brad, not making him feel guilty or wrong for wanting to follow the dreams God gave him.  For the past year or so I have been so blessed by friends who have ministered to me almost constantly.  Perhaps this move is to put me in a place to do some ministering to others?  I guess that starts with my family.

leaps of faith

Well it's official: we are moving to Birmingham.  Want to buy a house???  The seller is VERY motivated!

In just two short weeks, we will be packing up this sweet home and unloading into a different (and much smaller) one.  We have been praying about this opportunity for months, so while it feels rushed right now, I have felt like the process has lasted forever!  We decided about six weeks ago that this is where God is leading us.  Ever since, we have had that decision confirmed over and over again.  It just became official last week, and now our move to the Dawson Baptist Church Recreation ministry is in the works.

Phew!  It has been a few years since I have had such conflicting feelings about an event inside of me!  I spent some serious time in prayer against this move.  I've said for a long time that being an Army brat is good preparation for becoming a minister's wife, but moving is never easy.  That said, the move itself is not what held me back for so long.  There are several things, the biggest being that a stay at home mom survives on play dates, parks, and mom-friends who share not only children but joys, fears, laughter, and (for me) a passion for serving God and their families.  (Actually I'm pretty sure all moms survive on those things, but you know what I mean.)  We have several friends in Birmingham still, but few who are on the same "page" in life that we are.  In spite of Scripture ("be anxious for nothing...")  I am anxious to see what Addie and I's days will hold.  Leaving our sweet friends and wonderful family had me praying for weeks that God would allow us to stay here in Pensacola for a little while longer.  He has drawn me out of that place, though, and into one where I am holding my breath and looking forward to new adventures.

And I am thrilled about the opportunity for Brad.  He served at Dawson before; we were married and he was ordained there.  More than that, Brad loves recreation ministry, and Dawson has one of the largest in the southeast.  He is so sad to leave the kiddos that we are so close to, but excited about being a part of a ministry like this.

So, with all of the pros and cons involved, we are taking this leap of faith to head back to Birmingham.  Last week when we drove up there to finalize some things and house hunt, I couldn't help but remember how I used to feel driving into town every year for college.  I love, love, love that city!  Uncle Lewis (a band from Samford when we were there) had a song that plays through my head anytime I just think about being there; it's like a soundtrack for me and the "Magic city," about coming to a place that feels like "home."  It may not feel like home when we pull into town on November 10th, but I am confident that God is faithful and it will soon.

I was reminded this morning during my quiet time that we've done this before: when we left Birmingham five and a half years ago I was not at all happy about it.  When we left Dothan I was upset about leaving my amazing friends, my wonderful job, and my sweet cheerleaders.  Each of those "leaps" has eventually led to a deeper faith, stronger marriage, and therefore a happier me.  I stress the word "eventually" because there were some serious trials in the mean time.  (I'll spare you most of the stories, but one involved a huge student backing me into a corner and asking if I wanted him to kiss me (he was later accused of raping a girl), and another student who was so pregnant in class that her belly got stuck under the desk, all in the same day.  Yikes!)  I do not doubt that this is where God is leading our family.  The "eventually" is what concerns me.

So until we leave I'm avoiding all of the unpleasant moving tasks by spending lots of time out and about.

More to come on the crazy life of the Gowings as we work on leaving town.  Happy Halloween!  Our gal's going to be a duck - of course she started refusing to say "Quack - Quack" about a week ago.

Month in Pictures

Good grief - it's been a whole month!  I had good intentions every week or so of updating this silly thing, but  each time thought of something else that needed doing, or was too lazy, or thought "who even looks at that stupid thing?" so I put it off, and now it's been a ridiculous long time!  Two people have mentioned it this week, though, so I need to update.
Hmm... what have we been up to?  Lots!  Here's our month in pictures:
Addison and I went to my NC to visit my family...

on our way to a "Hoe Down" at my grandmother's assisted living residence
with  Addie's newest cousin, Holmes

Favorite thing to do with Holmes?  Give him kisses!

Fewer toys at Rara's means we play with Mommy's makeup!

We got home to a long list of "to dos" around the house... I believe in fall cleaning instead of spring cleaning I guess!  We cleaned out the attic; Addison helped clean out my school boxes.

We went to the beach "one last time" this year.  Please check out the narly pig-tails.

Our friend Big A taught my "little A" how to give the "Stink Eye."  She does it well, huh?

We went to the zoo for the first time.  The Gulf Breeze zoo is kind of a hike from here, but it was so worth it!The pigmy (is that a word?) goats in the petting zoo area got a little out of hand... they practically over-ran our sweet kiddos and nosed through bags looking for food, and one crawled into my stroller!  It was hilarious!  And A has been making animal noises ever since!
  

I've also been taking monogramming "lessons" from Brad's mom. She has an embroidery machine and does such a good job on stuff for Addison, but I feel bad for always giving her "orders," when I know she has other things to do.  So she's teaching me how to use it!  Yay!  I'm a slow learner, but here are some things we've worked on:

I embroidered Holmesy's little pumpkins... which thankfully you can't tell are the
slightest bit crocked.  Missy did Addie's shirt.  So cute!

It started with this series of pants I made Addison, which turned out really great after a
couple of really dumb blunders on my part, haha.  Here are the brown cords...

Here are another pair of cords.  I took the extra fabric and appliqued this "a."
The backing of it is a little off, but you can't tell from the front.  Trial and error.

This is my favorite!  I guess Brad's mom technically made it, but I'm going to steal credit for the design!  I love the sweet colors and the Kath Cidston looking fabrics!

up close.  Notice the "vintage" stitches!

This whole monogramming thing could become a serious addiction for me!  Well, I need a room that I could close off and not see the mess when I wasn't working on something.  I don't have that right now, so I guess it's not too big of an issue.

Lets, see, what else is new???  Did I mention on here that I'm a rep for 31 Gifts?  I love their bags, and didn't know anyone else selling them, so I started a couple of months ago.  I've recently started my Christmas shopping and driven Brad through the roof with a few new bags for myself.  :)

Oh yeah - tomorrow is my birthday.  I turn 30 - woah!  The number does not bother me at all, but the gray hairs I keep finding in my bangs do.  Coloring my hair is simply not in the budget right now, so we'll just deal with a few stray strands.  :)  Add that to the list of things to try to be thankful for I guess, haha.

Middle of the Night woes

So, I've been up since 1:47am.  Ugh!  I am feeling okay right now, but am afraid that at 3 o'clock today, as I'm getting on our second flight of the trip, I'm going to want to kill myself.

One thing on my mind, among many things, this morning was an article I read last night in the August Home Life before going to bed.  In "Stripping the Veneer," Casey Avenriep talks about what it takes for a Christian to truly be authentic with people in our culture where looks and image matter so much.  A quote from the opening paragraph caught my attention:

Why is it so difficult for me to be authentic, to admit failure, to boldly defy worldly standards, and to cry out to God for help in the process?  Could it be that I desire acceptance more than I do obedience? 

Good questions.  They should have come out of my mouth first!  He sights reading a book called Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society, by Willard and Locy as being inspirational and challenging.  (Maybe I found a new book to wreck my world?  I'll have to hunt it down.)  If we as Christians are called to be not of the world but in it, and to be Christ's hands and feet, how is it that my life seems at times a little "cookie-cutter"?  I lay awake last night thinking about parts of my life where I need to be more honest, more authentic, more deliberate in my conversations.  At first look, I thought "well, I'm pretty honest with these people," and that's true: I am basically an open book.  I talk about how dirty my house really is, how I picked a fight with my husband, things that frustrate me beyond belief, and when the last time I washed my hair with some people, particularly my friends.  I thought about why that is.  I have a few friends who I believe will love me no matter what I say - even when I admit to being hateful towards someone.   (I am thankful to you, by the way, more than you know.  I need to say it more often, but I'm so thankful to have people to share my life with.)

I guess that's the problem at hand, then isn't it:  Are we afraid of not being loved?  Are we afraid of judgement?  Are we afraid of not meeting the standards we believe others have set for us?  Or the standards we've set?  Do we imagine that if we don't look or act or behave a certain way, then we can't be a part of a certain group?  If I lose face and people see how I really am, will they want to be around me?  I think all of these things fall into play.  Oh when all these things were running through my mind (at 2:30) I became so disheartened!  I know I am guilty of not showing love in all circumstances!  Whether by a look or a comment, to someone I know or a stranger in Publix, I have passed a quick judgement and moved on, instead of pausing and listening and loving someone.  I am called to show Jesus to people!  As He loves my soul, I am called to love others'.  What a poor lover of souls I am.

I finally got out of bed at 5 and got my Bible and study book out.  As I sat over orange juice and the Word, I thought about all the places my mind wandered in the middle of the night.  It crossed my mind that maybe I needed to spend time thinking about those things.  Lately my quiet time has been hurried and less than ideal.  Perhaps because I did not set time aside yesterday (or all week) for prayer, the Lord set aside some time for me.  When I think about it like that, it's pretty cool that the God of the Universe woke me up last night to deal with me on some things.

Happy Fall Y'all!

I am fully aware that it is still summer, according to both the calendar and the weather.  (The shorts on my legs testify to that, too.)  However, as fall is one of my four favorite seasons (haha), I need to enjoy it for much longer than the weather allows me too!  That means I plan to bake pumpkin-butter bars, and I've already gotten my pumpkin decorations out, appliqued a cute pumpkin on a shirt for Addie, and lit a "fall harvest" candle!  To all those things Brad said "oh goody."  He's such a stick-in-the-mud!

Speaking of Brad: this week he celebrated his 31st birthday.  What an old man, right???  I ragged him about it for a little while, asking him how it felt to be "in your thirties," (you know, as opposed to just thirty) etc.  That, however, lost its entertainment value when he reminded me that I'll turn 30 in October... boo Brad.  Seriously, though, I'm not one of those people who's fretting over it.  Now the gray hairs in my bangs, on the other hand, I have a problem with!

Tomorrow Addison and I will travel to visit my family.  I'm super stoked about the trip, but am VERY anxious about the flight!  Way more so than I have been the other 3 or 4 times we've flown.  I feel like I need to be more relaxed, but my gal hasn't been acting normal - teething or something -  so I'm a a bit on edge about it.  If you read this before Thursday, or before our return flight on Tuesday, pray for us!  I can't wait to see my sister and her sweet baby, Holmes (which Addison says like "How-wes"), and our brother Drew, and of course our parents!  Rara and Grandaddy are ready, I'm sure, to have their home invaded by their kiddos, and a one year old who has just pulled out every single pot and pan I own... good grief!

I love this picture.  She's not wearing anything cute - a $3 shirt from Target I think - and her hair's a mess and she's got drool everywhere, but it's just so her!  I was trying to get a picture of Addison with the swiffer (the new favorite toy), and when she saw the camera she threw the swiffer down and raced towards me to ham it up!  She's so ridiculous!  Every day I'm amazed at her sweet, pleasing spirit, and the love she wants to shower on Brad and I.  Now, don't get me wrong: we have our moments, but I'm in awe of the blessing she is, even on days like today when she's been a bit fussy, I've got packing to finish, and all she wanted to do was pull the suitcase down off the bed!  I'm praying that as she gets older and I get more used to this motherhood thing, that Brad and I will have wisdom and discipline to raise a godly daughter, I will continue to recognize her for the blessing she is, and I'll be more ready to accept help on days when I need it, haha.

Does this ad make you cry?  I just looked at it for the first time today, and it is ridiculous!  I love it!  Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4vkVHijdQk&feature=player_embedded

All of that said, Happy Fall Y'all!

child neglect

So, I don't think you can see the results thus far, but I've totally been neglecting my sweet child.  It started with AMC's "Mob Week," about a month ago.  I kept "The Godfather" and other fabulous film classics on tv while she and I played, for about a week.  (How wrong is that???  On a scale of 1-10, I'm pretty sure letting a 13 month old see the scene with the horse's head in the dude's bed is a 17.)

Then I started a novel while we were on a road trip.  (note: I was not driving.  We were stow-aways last week with Brad's folks on a trip to see the ever-growing McPherson clan in West Palm Beach.)  I handed Addison some "car toys" while I opened Lisa See's Shanghai Girls - FABULOUS!  When my gal finished with one toy, I passed her another, and on it went... anything for me to be able to keep reading.  I was sucked in!  I stayed up late several nights reading, and finished on the drive back home.  Then, to make matters worse, I convinced my wonderful mother-in-law to download the sequel on her Kindle so I could start it in the car.  ALSO FABULOUS!

Then I started looking at Pinterest.com.  How have I not seen this before?!?!?  Have you looked?  You should.  I don't care who you are or what your hobbies are, that is a fun site!  Yesterday I was literally on it for hours.  Before I went to bed, I'd basically designed my dream house from other people's pins!  How ridiculous.  I've got things to do around my house (walk the dog, do the laundry, ENTERTAIN ADDISON), and projects I want to get started on (a new pattern for pants for Addie, refinishing a desk, etc.), but all of these things sit un-finished or not done so I can sit and look at other people's plans.

All I'm saying is, don't call DCF on me.  My father in law threatens to do that every time Addison has a new bruise.  So, daily, haha.

We did enjoy some time with the nephews last week.  Will, Matt, and Ben started school, and we got to see a football game.  The baby, Jake, is huge and adorable and so sweet; he and Addison passed toys and spoons and germs back and forth.  Addison's new word is "Aunt B," so Britton's even more in love with our gal than before.  Every time Britton has a new kid, he's cuter and smarter than the one before... I can't wait to meet the new one that's on the way!  Maybe we'll have a little girl cousin for Addie???

On a wing and a non-prayer

I just re-read my last post, and I have to admit something: that day was rare.  All those "Prayer" inserts do not happen frequently.  When I just read that I thought "how arrogant; you don't do that all the time."  Case in point, Wednesday, when this happened:

My down-the-street neighbor, Lynn, was in our yard with her boxer, Scout.  Rosco and Scout were playing, chasing each other and practically knocking Lynn and I over.  (That's just what happens when two big dogs are owned by two small people.)  Addison was just standing on the driveway watching, laughing at the dogs, and barking at them.  Cute, right?  Well, the dogs got closer and closer, and I stepped in front of Addison when Scout ran by, but didn't even think to when Rosco came bounding towards us.  Rosco nicked her shoulder and she hit the pavement face-first, with her arms out behind her.  There was blood - so much blood!  And screaming (Addison), and running (me), and barking (the dogs), and crying (both of us).  Lynn ran in front of me into the house and got ice and towels and helped me figure out where the blood was coming from.  She told stories about her kids and their multiple facial injuries, and sang to Addison, and prayed out loud.  Not like, "okay, I'm going to pray. 'Dear Jesus'..."  In the middle of her sentence, while I was on the verge of tears and saying "what do I do? what do I do?"  Lynn just said "Sweet Jesus!  Make her feel better and help it stop bleeding!"  She simply cried out, then went on with her story.  It didn't even occur to me to pray.  In fact, I was surprised by hers.  That makes me embarrassed of myself.  I'm ashamed to admit that an acquaintance from down the street thought to pray for my child before I did.  The entire situation was so beyond my control, and while I was scurrying around trying to fix it and help my daughter, prayer didn't even cross my mind!  It did the other day, during the "small" things that happened, but not during this.

After several minutes, Lynn went back outside to track down our dogs.  I called Brad's mom to come check it out, then called the pediatrician.  That afternoon, Addison was back to trying to chase Rosco.  She looks a lot closer to normal now, and I'm trying to be a little more careful.  I'm so thankful for three things: (1) Lynn was there and taught me something.  (2) My mother in law lives close by.  (3) Kids are resilient and have short memories.

I finally finished Francis Chan's Forgotten God.  (Folks in Pensacola, it will be back in the FBCP library on Sunday for you to check out!  Sorry I've had it all summer.)  Something Chan writes in the last chapter struck me as important, and in light of my lack of prayer when I know it's power, applicable to me this week:

     "Our Scriptures teach that if you know what you are supposed to do and you don't do it, then 
     you sin (James 4:17).  In other words, when we stock up on knowledge without applying it to 
     our lives, we are actually sinning.  You would think that learning more about God would be a 
     good thing... and it can be.  But when we gain knowledge about God without responding to 
     Him or assimilating His truth into our lives, then it is not a good thing. According to the Bible it's sin."