I kind of can't stand shots for my kids. Scratch that. I really can't stand them. Scratch that. I kind of can't stand visits to the pediatrician. Scratch that. It's really just well visits that I don't like. Scratch that too. It's really just that I cannot stand, get unbelievably annoyed, see red about the fact that I made an appointment over a month ago for my kid to be here so I know you knew I was coming yet we were still here for almost two hours, the nurse looked at me like I have a colicy baby but really I just have an infant who doesn't need to sit in this sterile, bright room in only her diaper for forever waiting to be stuck by multiple needles and missing her naptime, and I'm super nervous anyways about shots because I read that Jodi Picoult book about the kid who wasn't autistic until he had shots as a kid. Phew! It felt good to get it off my chest. (English teacher friends - forgive me. But if you have ever had a conversation with me you know that this is exactly what it sounds like coming out of my mouth.)
Just so you don't think I'm crazy and dumb: I like my pediatrician. And I love that every time we have gone in for a sick visit, it's a super short wait. That's why we still go there, in spite of the ridiculous wait sometimes. And I will, of course, continue to vaccinate my kids; I would of course choose life for them over the debilitating diseases we're vaccinating against. And, yes, I know you don't "catch" autism; I'm just a little nuts and look for reasons to be nervous about my kiddos. Today was Audrey's four month check up. And it was a doozy. Can you tell it stressed me out a little?
On another note, I have been meaning to write about some things on here, but have been waiting to work out how it all fits together in my brain. I do not have that figured out yet, but here goes. Bear with me.
Have you ever read Proverbs 31? "A woman of noble character, who can find?..." (Gee thanks.) It has popped up on my radar several times in the last month, which usually means I am supposed to do something/learn something. I sort of ignored it at first. I mean, I've read this chapter about a hundred times. I know it's supposed to be challenging women to do a bunch of great things for her husband and family. I kept reading people's blogs, and hearing about this girl on the Today Show, all who tried to do each of the things in the chapter and failed miserably. (Who wouldn't? I mean, "In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers." vs. 19 What in the world is a distaff? And I can sew but I certainly don't own a spindle.) It seemed to me that these women were being overly analytical - a habit most women I know struggle through - and were simply missing the point of the chapter. So on Tuesday when I walked into Moms and More, a monthly Bible study my pastor's sweet wife leads, and saw that the topic was Proverbs 31, I rolled my eyes. (Is a minister's wife allowed to roll her eyes about the Bible? Not sure. Shhh.) But, as all things involving the Holy Spirit do, it was exactly what I needed.
In the spirit of starting the new year, well, new, I've been mentally reviewing and rethinking the way I do my job. Since my job is my kids, my husband, and our house, I've really been thinking and praying about the way our days are laid out. Talking to other stay at home moms and reading blogs (this pesky internet will be the death of me), I began to think all my time could be better spent. What? All? Yes, all. I re-thought trips to the store with two kids, showering while the girls are awake (read: showering ever), how I choose what I buy for our family, etc. This brief review of Proverbs 31 was, for me, an encouragement. In a nutshell, here's what it takes to be that "woman of noble character":
Fear the Lord. (vs. 30)
Be trustworthy with my marriage relationship, the lives & minds of my children, and strive to manage our home well. (vs. 11-12)
Make wise choices when shopping; teach my children, no matter what I'm doing; work vigorously and eagerly (read: don't take two day to finish laundry, quit griping about the clutter, etc.) (vs. 13-14)
Give freely to the less fortunate and provide for those who serve (vs. 20 and 15)
Prioritize (vs. 27)
In other words, keep up the fight girls. Use your time wisely. Put your family first. And when you need a nap or a shower, take one. (Especially the latter.) And quit beating yourself up about stuff.
On a similar front for me (and I use the war-like term on purpose here, folks), I have started the Bible study 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. I am excited and nervous and annoyed about it, all at once. A few weeks ago I looked at a list of Bible studies being offered this semester at my church, and this was one that peaked my interest, but I was on the fence. I mean, I don't feel like we live in excess. But that's beside the point. Within a week of hearing about this study, I had heard from three other people (without my soliciting their advice) that I should absolutely read the book and do the study. (Holy Spirit. Ugh.) I balked, though. "If you compare our little family to ________ who lives down the street or across town, or who sits down the pew from me, or who I follow on Pinterest, I am practically living in poverty." That's something I might say to myself.
But the thing is that the Holy Spirit is not interested in how I match up to folks around me. What matters is how much of me is doing what I've been called to do. So I'm swallowing my anxiety and reading up on others around the world. And pouring through scripture with the author, Jen Hatmaker. And becoming obsessed with her blog. (Read it. Now, please.) And sort of wishing that I had never heard of this craziness. (I mean, I am going to have to fast from food. Actually not eat some stuff folks. It sounds sort of insane to me.) And also getting excited that God is drawing me into what He is doing in His church. Think about it: Francis Chan. David Platt. Jen Hatmaker. A ton of other folks at Passion Conference, for two years in a row. Something radical is happening here y'all. Not just here, but all around the world. The Bride of Christ has been called to be the hands and feet of our Lord, and we can't continue to pretend that we don't really know what that looks like. Or that our lives are actually challenging or persecuted. (If you have no idea what I am talking about, please go immediately to Amazon.com or your local library and buy/borrow Chan's Crazy Love, Platt's Radical, or look up Passion Conference, 2013. Be prepared to feel uncomfortable.)
It may take a few years before all of this new way/old way/the-way-Believers-should-have-been-in-the-first-place becomes commonplace, or frankly it may never be, but I want to be a part of it. And I am thankful God nudged me to at least be on the edge. (To be honest I have been praying that Jesus comes back ASAP, like before my children hit puberty, but that's a blog for a different day.)
Love this, Maile! Sorry your doctors appt was so rough. :(
ReplyDeleteGlad we got to hang this morning for a little while!