Comings and Goings

Good grief! You'd think finding 15 minutes in a week (or two... or three) to update this thing would still be simple!  Alas, it is not.  Addison is crawling like crazy, getting into everything, and trying to walk.  WHAT?!?  Is she old enough for this?  Am I?  Needlesstosay, time at home gets busier and busier every day!  We've had a lot of other things going on, too, though...

Britton and boys
Brad's sister brought her 4 boys (yes four, yes all boys - always a blast) up for their spring break and Addison and I got to spend some time with them.  They were crazy - all over the place!  Will is six and read to us the first chapter of Genesis.  Matt is four and talked my ear off in the car once we got rid of all the other boys.  Ben is almost three and still calls me "My-yee," and loves on Addie so sweetly.  Jake is five months old and as big as Addison.  She was crawling only backwards before they came, and now suddenly moves forwards like she's a professional.  We had so much fun I didn't even take time to take pictures!

"In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina"
Addison and I flew to see my parents last week.  My sister Malia is 6 months pregnant and doing great; she joined us.  My baby brother Drew came up to surprise us, too.  It was lots of fun.  Addie was not spoiled at all (haha), and she saw all sorts of new things.  She's a great traveler.

Back at the home front
We've lost any hint of a schedule: naps are crazy, she's hungry at weird times, and she hasn't slept through the night in a week!  I think she's cutting her second tooth, which makes her a bit crabby.  She's still exploring all sorts of things though:

Yesterday we tried out the beach for the first time.  The other kiddos we were with seemed to like it but apparently Addison did not feel good: she had a scowl on her face the whole time!  Check out our sweet budda-belly though:

We're home today from church with a cough and runny nose.  Gal has still managed to get into a few things, though:

As I've stated before, she loves bags.  I hope you have a week of cleaner floors, drool-free windows, and a kid who's not a pick pocket (notice above that the only thing she pulled out was my wallet?)... I will have none of those, haha. 

Confessions of a Grown-up Cheerleader...

Literal and figurative.  It's been awhile, so here goes...
Literal Grown-up Cheerleader
I cheered in high school.  I was a high-ponytail and ribbon-wearing, overly cheerful, hard working cheerleader.  Shocked?  Maybe if you're familiar with the grown-up me (the sarcasm-laced realist) that's surprising, but probably not.  Since college, I've been coaching.  In just five years, I feel like I experienced all the different kinds of cheerleaders a coach can: super talented, athletic but not cheery, school-spirit crazed, and the parents-ohh the parents! Yikes!  Today I spent a little while helping with tryouts at EHS, where I used to teach and coach.  Watching some of the girls I knew made me miss it.  I loved the music and the dancing, and I loved seeing those girls who make the hard stuff look so simple.  So when my friend asked if I'm interested in helping next year, I paused to think about it....  then thought about little Addison and said nope.

Figurative Cheerleader
Addison is starting to crawl.  She's been getting up on all fours and rocking for several weeks now.  She scoots backwards very fast.  Tonight, though, she took her first few feet forward, trying to get her doll.  I sat across from her and clapped and yelled and clapped some more, acting like a fool for the better part of 30 minutes, until she faced planted for a third time and got upset.

Literal Confessions
Have you ever noticed how God uses themes?  He's been using one on me lately that's pretty scary.  I've been doing Beth Moore's Bible study on Esther, and have been reading about how often we are brought to a place "for such a time as this."  Wednesday night most of the study was on fear-living in it and becoming Believers free from it.  Last weekend was our women's retreat for church, and I served on the committee.  In preparation for a different, challenging, retreat, I read our speaker's book, Passport Through Darkness, Kimberly L. Smith.  READ IT.  READ IT NOW.  GET YOUR CHURCH TO PUT IT IN THEIR LIBRARY.  (Ours has it.)  Good grief what a read!  It was heart-wrenching and beautiful.  Kimberly chronicles her spiritual journey through co-founding Make Way Partners ministry, working with victims of sex-trafficking in Spain and the Sudan, and the path her marriage took along the way.  By telling her story, she challenges readers to consider that our vocation and jobs may be different, and our calling may be much larger than we've ever imagined, and to question if we willing and open to hear it from God.  My answer: I thought so.  I thought I'd answered "send me God" several years ago, when I was afraid to support Brad in his ministry at first, and later told him and God that I would go wherever.  After reading and hearing from Kimberly, I found myself adding an ending to my sentence: "send me God, but please no place scary."  Considering the admonition from Esther/Beth Moore to be free from fear, I now need a new prayer: not just send me, but mold me, into a servant who is honestly willing to go wherever and do whatever.  I'm not there yet.  In fact, whenever I think about it and get excited at the prospect of getting there, I get nervous again at where the "there" will be. 
(Is that the most confusing confession you've ever read or what?)

So... I'm going to continue in my sarcastic-realist-optimism and cheer Addison on, and do better at cheering Brad on.  I'm not wearing ribbons and cheerleading skirts any more, but I occasionally sport a high pony and put ribbons in my child's hair.  I'm learning more and more daily about how everything is a heart-matter; whatever I'm doing, and wherever I'm going, should be sincerely heart-led.  Is my heart big enough?  Nope, but my Heavenly Father's is, and His spirit enables me.

from several weeks ago, when she started trying to pull up;
she's been unsuccessful at this on her own so far.  Wouldn't you want to cheer her on?

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

I almost typed "Happy V-Day," but I have an issue with that - a rather dorky issue - every time I hear the shortened "V-Day," I think for a second that it's talking about V-E or V-J Days.  As in the end(s) of World War II, Victory in Europe, May 1945, and Victory in Japan in August.  Random, huh?  Yes, I'm a nerd.  Sometimes I miss teaching history - being immersed in it.  Sigh... That's a blog for another day.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!  I love Valentine's Day, even if Brad doesn't.  (Yes, Brad dislikes Valentine's day.  That means I rarely get a gift - sometimes not even a card - from Brad.  Oh well.  He did empty the dishwasher and call that a "gift."  HAH!  He's such a scrooge wanna be.) 
I love any day where there's a reason to dress up!  Now, I didn't really dress up (I wore pink), but Addison did. 

When we were kids, Malia and I would come downstairs and our dad would have roses for my mom, and a rose and a card for each of us, asking us to be his "other" valentines.  This happened year after year.  How sweet is that?  I wonder if Brad will get over his anti-v-day sentiment to do something sweet like this for Addison?

To make the week even better, the weather could not be any more fabulous!  Today was absolutely beautiful.  Addison and I spent some time outside, walking around, playing in the dirt, sitting with Rosco.  I am so hopeful that this beautiful weather is here to stay for a while!

We've had an exciting couple of weeks, I guess:

freezing after the race

Brad participated in the Double Bridge Run; Addie and I went out to support him in the cold.



too many kids, not enough time



Addison went to her first Super Bowl party.  She had tons of fun.  She wore a sweet smocked sports dress a friend gave us: it has a football, a baseball, and a basketball on it! 

 Addie is getting up on all fours on her own, and tries to move!  She goes backwards, mostly, and pretty fast, haha!  She rocks back and forth, and if she actually tries to move forward, she face-plants.  She's so proud of herself.

Our gal is also pulling up.  Usually it's whenever she can grab ahold of our fingers or hands or arms.  After naps I've been letting her pull herself up, and then showing her how to hold on to the edge of the crib.  One day I might regret that, but right now it's too precious to care!  She get's so excited!  She's also waving, but not really "Hi" or "Bye"... it's more for the reaction.  For example, she waved at me the entire time I tried to feed her dinner tonight.  I think she just didn't want to eat!

 Of course, she still loves to roll places, like under my bed...

and she still loves that silly Cath Kidston bag...

 see?  Such committment!

Is it spring yet?

I hope Spring is around the corner!  While multiple feet of snow fall on our neighbors to the north, I'm putting my sweaters away - probably way too early.  I know we have almost two more months of winter left, and I remember freezing to death at a baseball game last March, but I'm doing some wishful thinking.  Today is beautful, sunny, and - when the wind isn't blowing too hard - almost warm!  Addison and I met some friends at the park and enjoyed the beautiful afternoon! 

Last week we made the trip up to Birmingham.  Brad had a board meeting to attend, and I had some friends to hang out with and introduce Addison to.  We had a great time!  I loved getting to spend a leisurely lunch and few hours with some sweet friends, and see them love on my girl.  What a precious moment.
Is it possible to have a relationship with a city?  Brad would be completely embarassed to know I'm posting this, but I love Birmingham!  And it's not just living there - we went to college there, and Brad and I lived there our first year and a half of marriage, and we enjoyed it, but it's so much more than that!  When we are heading north on 65 and start recognizing the things that let you know you're close, I start getting the same excited apprehension I felt at 15 when I went to Birmingham for World Changers and stood on top of Red Mountain and told my dad I thought I'd live there one day; and at 17 when we drove up to visit Samford and the leaves were beautiful and changing colors; and again every year following when I came back to Birmingham for the fall semester.  I love Birmingham!  (I am such a dork.) 
Here are two sweet, sweet "big girls" Addison got to play with while we were there.  Too cute!  (Except for the snot, haha.)

Moving on...
Speaking of Spring, I'm sort of ready for a new "lesson" from our heavenly Teacher... I mean, I'm not ready, which is why He is still working on me, but I sooooo want to be!  This one is kicking my butt!  I mean the making me think - keeping me awake - praying myself to sleep kind of kicking!  I finished the book Passport through Darkness, by Kimberly Smith yesterday.  Wow.  Addie took a long nap and I read the entire time; I was absolutely drained afterwards.  I felt like I had seen and heard and been challenged more from my couch than I have been in a while.  Something in her language and tone and honesty grabbed my heart and I felt like I was experiencing everything she experienced in Africa.  She tells several stories about people risking their lives to not worship Allah, or to get out of slavery, or protect children from trafficking, etc.  More than that, she told of how living through helping those people changed her relationship with Christ.  When she told two stories of women who risked their children's lives to not worship Allah, I was stopped short.  I actually said outloud "no way.  Not gonna do it."  I actually judged those women!  One believed that it was better for her children to risk - and did - die a painful death than be slaves and forced to bow to Allah in a Muslim house.  I couldn't handle it!  I realize this reaction is a sin on my part - the not being willing to risk Addison's life, and then the judgement on top of that - but I could not get past it! 

As I lay in bed last night I was convicted that I need to start praying that I will become that kind of Christian: who's worhsip is so important that I recognize and am willing to give up anything to make sure God is the only one I worship.  I want to be the kind of woman Addison can and should look up to, and maybe want to be like.

So I've had a bunch of different things on my mind lately, and not a lot of opportunities to share them, so here goes:
Abraham, Isaac, and Esau...?
Brad went to the Passion conference New Years Weekend.  There he heard lots of fantastic speakers like Francis Chan, Andy Stanley, John Piper, and more.  Brad came home talkative and full of stories.  (For those of you who know my sweet husby, you know he has a word maximum every day, and it's pretty low... it's rare he's talkative about anything.)  One sermon Brad relayed to me has really struck a chord with me; I keep playing what I imagine this preacher said in my head, and one thought keeps ringing true.
Genesis 25:30-34 talks about Esau coming in from hunting famished.  He's so hungry that he agrees to trade his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of stew.  I'm hungry so often I'm always saying things like "I'm starving to death!"  Beyond just food, we're all hungry for something.  What Heavenly blessings (birthrights) have I given up to be satisfied for the moment?  Let's face it: just like when we say we're "starving," sometimes the things we claim to "need" are simply things we want.  If we let our appetites lead us, who knows where we'll end up?  Who knows what we'll end up doing?  If you're like me, its probably something that seems "good" at the time, but has no real Kingdom value.  Then, to put an Eternal spin on it, Brad put it this way: could the line of David have started with "Abraham, Isaac, and Esau"?  Did Esau seriously give up the opportunity to father the nation that would be God's chosen people for a bowl of soup?  Yes.  Wow.  It stops me in my tracks to think about what long-lasting decisions I might be making daily, based on my whimsical appetite.

"Me" messages
I have a fantastic life.  I have a wonderful husband who goes out of his way to take care of us.  I need to say that upfront, so that you don't think I'm bashing him.  There are days, some more than others, when my "me!" attitude gets in the way of appreciating all the good things in my life.  For example: If I go to work, get home and feed/put Addison down for nap by 2, I may start the laundry and do some cleaning and check my email then get dinner started.  If later, when dinner is over and we've cleaned up afterward, Brad leaves his jacket on the chair, I tend to get an attitude.  I'll say things like "I've been straightening up all day!  Can't you do anything to help out?"  He doesn't need me fussing or yelling about it any more than I need him leaving junk all over the place.
I really think God has a will for even our daily lives, especially our responses to daily activities.  My response, no matter what the situation or who I'm dealing with, should be one of patience and love.  People are forever talking about "What's God's Will for my life?" as if it's some crazy big thing, far out there for us to be searching for.  I do believe it's something crazy-big, and far out there, but I also believe there's stuff all around us to do in the mean time that's a part of His will.

"At the end of me..."
This is the title of the first chapter in the book I'm reading Passport Through Darkness, by Kimberly Smith, the speaker for our women's retreat this year.  The book is kicking my butt.  Just think about the first chapter, "At the end of me."  Like you'd imagine, it describes the process she went through to find the end of herself, so that she could be imersed in where and what God wanted her to be.  As a minister's wife, sometimes I feel one of two somewhat-ridiculous things: (1) I can't do any more; my place of ministry is at Brad's side, with whatever he's doing.  This is somewhat true; I feel like we're a good pair because we both have similar hearts for people, especially for kids.  It's false because there are plenty of other places I need to be serving!  I could really get into the habit of using this as a cop-out.  (2) I should be doing so much more because my husband's a minister; I need to be at church every opportunity, no matter what. 
I've been praying a lot recently that God will work through my life to show me specific places He wants me to be serving.  I get nervous thinking about praying this, though... what if He demands a huge change in me?  What if it calls for a sacrifice beyond what I'm comfortable with?  A sacrifice from time with Brad or Addison?  (HELLO!  That's what a sacrifice is!)  So I go around and around: "God use me and show me where you want me."  Then, "keep me here, and comfortable."  It's a good thing our sweet Savior has more patience than I do!  He is beyond patient and loving even before I find the end of myself. 

Blood tests and Tumors
My sister is pregnant.  I'm beyond excited for her and Bill, and can't wait till they get to experience the wonder of parenthood.  She had a somewhat scary result from a blood test this week, regarding the baby, and we won't know the real results until the baby get's here, but in the meantime we think the baby is healthy and growing well.  The unknown is pretty nervewracking.  My mom has a tumor on her right ovary.  We don't think it's cancer, but don't know for sure yet.  These things have served to slow me down, and think about where I am and what I've got. 

Sustaining Grace
God's sweet grace is not just in Salvation.  Don't get me wrong, I am a sinner saved by the grace of God alone.  But He didn't just reserve it for saving me... I get some every day.  So do you.  Did your kid yell for 3 hours straight and you managed to not pull our hair out, or lock him in his room?  Sustaining Grace.  Did your husband leave his dirty dishes on your freshly-washed counter and you didn't fuss or freak out?  Sustaining Grace.  Have you had 32 co-workers ask you the same ridiculous question about something you really did not to share with them, and you politely handled them all?  Sustaining Grace.  Saving Grace, by nature, overshadows Sustaining Grace, but I think the latter is still pretty important.  Last night in my Bible study I heard Beth Moore say that maybe the every day, sustaining grace is miraculous, and we're just so used to it that we don't even notice it.

Sometimes I get bogged down before the day even begins: I wake up, read my Bible and study for a few minutes, shower and get ready, get Addie up (although she usually wakes up when I do) and changed, nurse her, get her and I some breakfast ready, eat with her, fix our lunches, put clothes on both of us, walk out the door... GOOD GRIEF!  Is that the end of me?  Probably not.  I do think it's part of my sweet Savior's sustaining grace that by 8am I'm calm and collected and, well, sane.  It's right where I want to be right now it's where I've chosen to be.  And I'm abundantly blessed to be here.

Six Months!

I cannot believe I have a six month old!  We went for our check up this morning and all is well - 26 inches long and 15.9 pounds!  Every time I turn around Addison is doing something new. 
Here are some pictures of her many adventures the past two weeks...

playing with Mommy's cell

Look at my new kitchen!

Addison's first time swinging... "who cares about the swing, when I can play with this cute Cath Kidston bag?"

We did get one brief smile...

... and now its back to being in love with the bag.

see that mat behind her?  That's where she started out.  She scooched that far!

more play time with the pretty bag

Trying to hold hands with our friend Will

getting stuck under the coffee table is fun!

this one's a doozy

Did I spell that right?  doozy?  That's a weird word, but it says a lot.  I typed that to imply that if you don't plan to sit still for a while, you may not want to start reading this entry... and to identify the types of days that can sneak up on you, and suddenly it's 8pm and you want to be in bed already.  A doozy.  adj.  not necessarily a negative term, but one that describes an extra-ordinary event or series of events  a time period, in this case.

get your own presents, Mom

Merry Christmas! 
Can people not say this any more?  As Brad and I were driving home from my sister's house in Texarkana, I was thinking about this.  A woman in a children's store in Arkansas looked at me like I was a little nuts when I wished her a "Merry Christmas" as I checked out on December 23.  Was that weird?  I've found myself actually forgetting to say it to people this year, which is very unlike me.  At least the lady in Dillards smiled when we said it to her.  I guess it's out of the ordinary.

and yes, her hair is long enough for bows! Brad doesn't like them, and keeps taking them out

Christmas in Texarkana was different.  Malia and Bill kind of live in the country, outside of town.  There were lots of people, which meant lots of cooking.  The boys got bored sometimes... they went in the back yard and "shot stuff" or "burned stuff."  Addison was spoiled rotten; when we got home she suddenly couldn't remember how to play by herself! Malia and Bill are going to have a baby!  She's due June 28th, and I'm super excited for them.  Everyone got too many presents (none of which I'm sorry for, by the way), and Christmas dinner was great.  I hope you enjoyed yours as well!

the ribbon is way more fun than the present

Working
I'm not sure I should be working.  I mean, I like my job.  I like the people I work with.  It's perfect for someone who wants to have their child right there with them, and who wants to be involved in things in our children's ministry, but I may need an attitude adjustment.  And a clear head.  And a desk all to myself.  :)  (I usually share a desk with whoever else is passing through the office.  This week, though, the preschool has been out, so I got tons of work done, even today when I had to take Addison with me!)  Here is my delima, for all the blogosphere, or whatever, to read: I know that the Lord is the Great Provider, and He will provide us with the means to provide Addison with what she needs as she needs it.  As Brad says, I don't have to work right now, but in my mind I go back to this "Provider" personality of our sweet savior and remind myself that maybe this is Him providing for us for later.  I'm still in doubt, but I'll go back next week, and the next, until I'm clear about it one way or another.  I kinda feel like someone helping in a ministerial capacity should probably know, though.  I'm praying for clarity.

Moving
My child is moving!  In the last two weeks she's started sitting up on her own, and rolling from back to front (she's been rolling from front to back for a couple of months).  This has led to all sorts of new adventures: rolling across the floor to get to something she wants.  (Brad found her tucked in next to the fireplace last night when he stepped away for a moment.)  Doing a face-plant from the sitting position onto the floor in order to roll to a toy she can't reach.  (It's pretty funny to watch her do this; like some sort of contortionist.  But she won't do it if she can see you watching her.)

Grunting
Addison has started making this new, annoying noise.  (I'm making it right now to demonstrate, but you can't hear me.)  It's almost like she's trying to leave me a gift in her diaper to change, but she's not.  I think it's her way of expressing dislike for something.  Or maybe she just likes the noise.  Either way, it's not fun to hear, but she's doing it a lot.

Teething
Is she or isn't she?  I've thought she was teething a couple of times in the last 2 months.  Now, though, she's smacking her gums, and drooling even more than before (which is remarkable), and not sucking on her paci, but biting it.  Addison has woken up after only 45 minutes of naps the last two days, and she can't seem to get settled down.  And sometimes early from night-time sleep.  I rock and rock her, or sing to her, or walk with her, or jostle her, or do all of it, and she's not happy.  That is VERY unlike my sweet-natured gal.  In fact, as I type, my almost-six-month old is swinging in one of those infant swings (but not asleep, mind you) because my arms were falling asleep trying to get her settled back down.  We had to deal with this a lot at night in her first two months, but she weighed significantly less back then!  I can only assume-and desperately hope-that this unhappy, slightly grumpy, definitely sleepy girl will go back to her "usual" self once this tooth comes through?  Is it too much to hope?