Gratefulness

I keep seeing all these posts on Facebook for what people are thankful for.  I love them!  I considered jumping on the bandwagon for about a second, until I realized that at that moment it was already several days into the month, and there would inevitably be days where I totally forgot to post anything and I would feel ridiculous.  So, as I have a few moments here and there, I'm doing it on the blog instead.

I am thankful for...

Salvation.  The freedom in Christ I receive but rarely take full advantage of, which comes from the gracious mercy that my loving Savior pours out new every morning.  Instead of living in the abundance of said mercies, I continue to nurture my sin nature (which should be long dead to me) and waste my time asking myself why I can't or don't or won't have or be __________.  Which leads me to...

Forgiveness.  I am so grateful for forgiveness.

Bradamuffin.  I'm so thankful for his wisdom and leadership and love.  I love the way he loves our girls.  I love the way he's always got a plan.  (And I love that he stays with me in spite of the awful nickname, haha.)

Addison.  Wow.  I knew that motherhood would be wonderful, but how wonderful was absolutely beyond my imagination.  And every day (well, most days), I enjoy it more and more as I get the privilege of seeing her grow and learn and love.  I am amazed at the gifts and traits I already see the Holy Spirit growing in our gal.  Is it my overactive imagination, or will her slightly stubborn streak one day turn into leadership like her daddy?  And when she loves on her friends in school who are sad, and asks girls in ballet to play, is she being an encourager like her mama?  The mind reels at the possibilities.  It may be my imagination, but I love it nonetheless.  I love hearing her sing and explain Jesus to her stuffed animals.  Mostly I'm thankful that I already see a loving spirit in her.  

yes, she is holding my well-worn copy of We Were Soldiers.  Kid after my own heart!

Audrey.  How does one mama get so lucky as to have two sweet-natured children?  When Audrey woke up this morning (NOT crying, after 8 1/2 hours, by the way), she smiled and cooed and giggled at me as I changed her diaper.  I could not help but wonder if it's by nature that both our girls are good-natured in the morning, or if it's sheer blessedness?  Seriously, while I may enjoy sleeping till 7:30 every once in a while, it's so wonderful to have everyone up and happy in the morning!  I always hear people say that the second child is crazier than the first...  The jury is still out on that one (Audrey is only 9 weeks old after all), but so far we've gotten another easy, sweet baby.  And, just like her sister, she is a nosy people-person.  (I wonder where she gets it???)

As I've mentioned on this blog before, I am overwhelmingly thankful for the legacy of faith our families and friends brought to Brad and I, and that we have the privilege of passing on to our gals.  The time some folks have spent on their knees for the two of us - and probably for our families because of us, haha - is evident and we remain abundantly blessed by others who pour out love on us like nothing else.

I am so thankful to be able to stay home with our girls.  This is something that Brad and I used to actually argue about when we were first married: I was certain that I would never want to quit my teaching job, and was convinced that it would never dawn on me to even want to stay home with kids.  Boy has that changed. To that point, I'm thankful for my last full time teaching job... It was so much more stressful, time-consuming, exhausting, and seemingly pointless than my previous two jobs.  I am now certain that the Lord used my two years there to bring me to the point of changing the desires of my heart.  His plan is always so much bigger and better than we can imagine for ourselves.

I'm grateful for what being a mom has taught me about our relationship with the Father.

I'm thankful for the holiday season.  From the first day of fall when I get out my pumpkins to the week after New Years when I grudgingly take down the tree, it's a constant reminder of the attitude of gratefulness I should be living out all year long.  I need reminders.  

By the way, I think it should be spelled "GREATfulness."  Mr. Webster (quite appropriately) never asked me though.

Motherhood Favorites

So, it's been a long day.  Today started out with two poop accidents in big girl undies, while I was on the phone with the cable company.  (Collective "eeewwwwee!")  As I wrapped up an unhelpful phone call and tried to clean up post-Halloween-we-had-too-much-candy-poop in Addison's big girl britches without losing my cool, I took a deep breath.  (Because yes-you read that correctly-we're the only nut jobs dumb enough to potty train a two year old with a new born in the house.)  Tuesdays and Thursdays are supposed to be the easy days!  The days where I get a few hours with just Audrey and I while Addison's at mom's morning out.  Where I might actually get a workout and/or shower completed.  Where the house might not sound like a herd of elephants running all morning, or a tornado coming through.  While trying to listen to the Charter Communications lady and Addison at the same time, I decided that today would not be one of those Thursdays, and I gritted my teeth to get ready.

we fit in some snuggle time this morning... check out these cheeks!

One trip to Wal-Mart, one cuddle session with Audrey, an un-finished workout, two more gross changes, and two extremely loud Charter Cable guys (precious nap-time-wreckers) later, the house is still standing.  The Lord provided a seemingly endless morning for me to get most of what I wanted to accomplish done, and me with enough energy and patience to take it all in stride.  Funny how that happens, huh?  When you think that surely you're gonna lose it, God blesses you with an extra dose of sanity.  Some surplus perspective to be able to laugh at the fact that your two year old is in bed calling "ALL ABOARD!" to all of her stuffed animals individually (apparently there is an separate train coming for each of them), instead of sleeping.  A super-strong anti gag-reflex so that the endless laundry from a new born and a potty-training toddler doesn't overwhelm you.  God is so good.  And He is enough.  And He is faithful.

Here are some recent pictures of us enjoying this beautiful fall.
 

running around Samford with my sweet nephew Holmes

Fall Festival time!

I love strawberries... and when kiddos match... and these two gals!

First time trick-or-treating as a family of four

"Mommy!  Look at all my candy!"

So while I'm thinking about the good and the bad of mothering two babies, I wanted to share a few of my favorite things about motherhood.  (These are not in order.  And it's not a complete list.)

~ Nap time.  It doesn't happen often for me, but it's an elusive dream that I get to enjoy every once in a while.

~ Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches.  I can finally eat them every day without feeling silly.

~ Hugs and kisses.  The kind I don't have to ask for.  

~ Coloring.  I love coloring.  And new crayons.  Maybe more than my two year old.

~ Leg warmers.  That's right.  Between Audrey's leg warmers and Addison's outfit for mommy and me ballet, its like a 1980s workout video around here.

~ The library.  I can now love the library (as I always have) without sounding like such a nerd.  Instead I call it "instilling a love for reading."

~ When Addie says "I wanna howld you Mama!"  Too sweet.

~ Bed head.

~ The way a baby falls asleep the second you hold her tight.  It makes me so sad that Audrey is growing so fast!  I fear she will out grow this stage soon.

~ Motherhood itself.  I finally understand why my dad cries every time we leave.  Or they leave.  Or we hug.  It's overwhelming.  This feeling puts the love God must have for us into perspective.  I understand it a teeny bit better, and am so thankful and overwhelmed at the same time.  Like, I get how He must long for the day when this time on Earth is over and we can be with Him eternally in Heaven.  And it makes me equal parts want it to come so I can be with Him, and want time to slow down so I can cherish time with my gals.

Rest time is over.  I was about to post this when I heard a thump and Addison start yelling "Mommy! Help me!" over and over.  I ran in to find her crying, and hanging upside-down from the side of the bed.  She can flip off, but not back on.  I'm the terrible mom who laughs at her kids.

The Little things

We all have those days where someone we see has it way more together than we do.  It seems to me that those people are everywhere:  The woman who has an endless amount of patience with her kids.  The woman with an infant who doesn't have spit up on her shirt or poop somewhere on her pants.  (The kid's poop; not mine.)  The woman whose put an elaborate meal put together for her family without demolishing her kitchen.  The woman who cooked at all.  (My poor family has been on a steady rotation of casseroles, pasta, and grilled chicken for over a year.)  The woman who looks great after working out.  The woman who worked out at all.  The woman whose kids look cute, without dirt marks on their knees and scuffs on their shoes, without bows askew.  That woman drives me a little nuts.  

I am pretty sure I have never been that woman.  If I have been, the moments are few and far between, and I was stressed out getting there.  And my kiddo has probably been a bit neglected and watched too much television that morning to allow me to get that way.  Or she's emptied my makeup bag out while I was brushing my teeth.  Or something.

I have a tendency to concern myself with random stuff.  I clean and straighten our home obsessively, for example.  Who cares?  Brad doesn't.  Addison doesn't.  Just me.  And I want to be early or on time to everything.  That is next to impossible with an infant, let alone with an infant and an extremely independent two year old.

As a stay at home mom, I have tried to continue to have some sort of schedule to the week.  I'm a planner, and this helps me function.  I was reminded this week what else helps me function: a pal.  A mom of kids similar in age who also shows up slightly frazzled; with one of her kids still in pajamas; who, like me, carries an endless supply of Goldfish crackers and fruit snacks in her purse.  To sit while our kids raced back and forth, discussing the pros and cons of waiting to potty train when our kids are obviously ready, and what they're learning in preschool, seems to make the week a little easier.  Knowing someone else sometimes feels like they're drowning in a sea of toys and diapers and laundry makes me feel a little less lonely.  When Addison was little I had a couple of close friends with kiddos close in age.  We did lunch and coffee dates where we let the babies sleep and we put our feet and just talked.  It's been a while since I recognized the need for commiseration.  It's so important!  It reminds you that what's important is not always what's easy or what you wish your kid was doing.  It reminds you what God has called us to as moms.  It reminds you that sometimes just letting go and being with your kid is what matters.  Isn't that why we stay home in the first place?  I needed that reminder.
  
Another reminder came from one of those articles on Huffington Post about motherhood.  It was one of those pieces that made me tear up (doesn't take much these days... or ever).  I was especially struck by the following:
Our sons need to see how young and beautiful and human their mamas were. Our daughters need to see us vulnerable and open and just being ourselves -- women, mamas, people living lives. Avoiding the camera because we don't like to see our own pictures? How can that be okay?

How true!  Addison doesn't care if I'm racing back and forth around the house picking up laundry before I go get her from preschool.  She doesn't care if the library books are returned a day late, or if dinner is take out or leftovers.  She doesn't notice if her stuffed animals make it into the bed before she does, as long as they're there eventually.  And she doesn't care if she eats lunch a few minutes earlier or later, based on when Audrey is fussing.

So, I'm going to schedule more play dates for Mommy, because I know they benefit Addison and Audrey.  (And even Brad.)  And I'm going attempt the library story hour today.  We will probably be late.  My hair will be dirty and I'm pretty sure either my baby or I will smell like spit up, but I'll be there.  And I'll try to be all there.  So Addison doesn't remember me cleaning or cooking or how I looked, but instead remembers how much I enjoyed her.

By the way, Audrey is one month old today.  Where does the time go???  One more reason to slow down and enjoy the little things with my gals.

PS: it took me two days to write this post.  

Life with Two

Well friends, we've got two... two sweet gals.  This weekend it was rainy, and I had the pleasure of having both curled up in the bed with me.  I couldn't help but wonder how we got so lucky.  I am constantly in awe of these sweet blessings.  Audrey Lynn came into the world on September 10, 18 inches long, and 7 pounds 4 ounces.  Screaming as loud as she could.  As Brad says, we were pretty nervous for about 30 minutes, but she calmed down and has been just as easy a baby as Addison was.

So, how is life with two different?  I am pretty sure it will constantly evolve.  Right now I'm still technically recovering from my C-section, so I'm not supposed to pick up anything over ten pounds.  That's pretty difficult when the baby weighed almost 9 pounds at two weeks old and you still have a two year old who likes to be held.  (You read that correctly: our little bit gained an ounce a day in her first 10 days at home!  Phew!)  The hardest part has been not picking up Addie and doing all those things we are used to.  I actually overheard her explaining things to her Mickey Mouse doll last week:

"Mommy can't pick me up because of her owie.  But I love you, so I can pick you up and hold you."  Ouch.

I know she'll forget all about how often I've had to say "Mommy can't ______," when I can do all those mommy things she thinks I should.  In the meantime Brad is her favorite, I can do nothing whatsoever - including read stories before bed or say prayers, and she climbs like a monkey up into her car seat, high chair, bed, and anything else up high.  Our big girl is getting so independent.

The little gal is working on a schedule for Mommy... last night she slept almost 5 straight hours!  (It's amazing how little it takes to make a new mom happy.)  She grunts in her sleep like a goat, and coos whenever I carry her in the sling.  Her chubby cheeks melt my heart.  

Getting both out of bed and ready to go anywhere feels a little like I've worked out.  Bed time when Brad is not home is touch-and-go.  Any time Audrey cries, Addison gets distressed and says "Oh no!  Mommy she's fussing!"  It is super sweet how she doesn't ever want baby sister to cry, but it sometimes makes for an interesting race for me, back and forth between the playroom and the nursery, haha.  

So while Brad and I stay busy taking care of an infant and chasing a two year old - and scratching our heads over the things she says - we'll continue to count our blessings.  Two healthy, beautiful girls.  Wow.

Here's your sign: the miracle of life.

As I lay in bed a couple nights ago, I was amazed for the 100th time that I could not only feel my new daughter trying to get comfy in my stomach, but also feel her have the hiccups.  The hiccups!  And I asked my husband for the millionth time, "How could anyone who has ever been pregnant or nursed a baby ever question that there is an Almighty Creator?"  Seriously.  Feeling a life growing inside you is miraculous, and such a precious gift and reminder that there is a God.  How can an obstetrician, who knows what babies do as they grow and how a mother's body changes - bones and hips and muscles actually change shape! - ever doubt that we were knit together in very specific ways by a Heavenly Father who tenderly cares for each life formed?  I may gripe about how uncomfortable being nine-months pregnant is, but I am constantly in awe of this sweet baby inside my belly and our Father who decided to bless us with her.



Kind of on that subject...  While watching NBC Nightly News today, I saw a flash-back to the Democratic Convention four years ago.  The woman speaking said something to the point of "a woman considering an abortion should not be forced to have an ultrasound against her wishes."  Then the camera showed a cheering crowd.  First of all, I didn't realize that was a rule anyone anywhere who actually performs abortions enforces.  Secondly, SHOULDN'T THAT TELL YOU SOMETHING???  If when an expectant mother sees the shape of her child - whether that be a teeny peanut in the first weeks of pregnancy, or the profile of a miniature face a few weeks later - she recognizes that it's a person, shouldn't that be a SIGN to anyone pro-abortion or pro-choice (let's face it, isn't that the same?) that a fetus is, in fact, a person?  If hearing that sweet heart beat as early as 19 days is enough to make a woman change her mind about the value of the life she carries, shouldn't it tell our doctors, politicians, bloggers, voters, etc. that we cannot, should not, continue make an abortion so accessible?  As comedian Bill Engvall has said, "Here's your sign."

Disclaimer: I'm not a political activist.  I realize that in another woman's shoes, choices may be much harder to make.  But I pray that cooler - more reasonable - senses prevail in our culture to teach women in all circumstances the early stages of life.  And for leaders more aware of the sanctity of life.


Ps: If  you've never heard Engvall and you like family comedy, check him out.

God is necessary, in all things

Does it ever seem like lessons, sermons, and even songs seem to follow a running theme?  For the past few weeks any time I stop long enough to pay attention to anything - besides Veggie Tales music in the car - the messages have been connected and drawn me back to remember God's necessity in and authority over all things.  I sat down yesterday to piece it all together.  The reminder is always important, so I thought I'd share with anyone who cares to read...

So many people I know have been dealing with infertility.  I mentioned our brief struggle trying to get pregnant on here once.  I can only imagine the grief and pray for the struggling.  I know women in the middle of it wonder at their bodies' inability to do what they think it's supposed to do.  Husbands (if they're like mine was) want to fix it and probably want their wives to be able to focus on anything but the baby they so desire.  A few weeks ago the sermon reminded me of these things.  A guest preacher spoke on God's ultimate plan of salvation throughout Scripture, and he used examples of infertile women God used to bring His people back to Him.  I've never once made the connection.  Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth... all women who had begged for a the gift of a child.  All women who eventually received a child who changed history.  Reading their stories, we see God's amazing plan of salvation unfolding, and in it God proves to those women (and anyone else who reads scripture) that (1) God gave them their children, just as He gives all good things.  (2) God is necessary, in all things.  In other words, we cannot work out life for ourselves, no matter how basic it seems.  (I need to make this my mantra!)

Whatever our season is - especially one of darkness - the place to be is in prayer and worship, even when we don't feel like God has been hearing what we're saying.  I've especially struggled with this in the past.  Sometimes I have to be intentional about making sure church doesn't become just the place where my husband works - instead of my place of worship.  Even when the last place we want to be is with other believers, that's the best place for us, for a whole host of reasons.

When we say "Your will be done," how honest are we being?  When we pray for specific things (healing, safety, a "normal" child, a season of happiness, etc.), are we giving God a list of what "I need"?  Or maintaining a posture of obedience, sincerely realizing that whatever the Lord's will is, it is better than anything we could know or imagine?  Sometimes a season of pain or struggle is what we need to learn or remember, and to live out the fact that
"My grace is sufficient for you" and
"My power is made perfect in weakness" 

Job 13:15 says "Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him."  God's authority is based on His identity.  We are called to trust and obey because of who God is, not what He has or is doing.  We have to learn who Jesus is, so that knowledge of Him can continue to transform us into who He created us to be.  John 15:1 -12 teaches me I should make this my prayer for every day:

Oh Lord teach me how to abide in and reflect You in all things! 

My child is apparently learning things, too.  This morning she saw a wedding on TV and told me she was going to get married to Jesus.  :)  Shouldn't we all be in the mindset of becoming Jesus' bride?

A two-year old's stalling tactics...

You may think that the stalling tactics of a two year old are immature or innocent.  Surely we shouldn't use the word "tactic"?!?  That implies manipulation.  Well, naive friend of mine: my gal excels at manipulation!  She has worked it into an art form!  Already!

Sleeping has been a struggle for us for a while now.  Even before we converted her crib into a toddler bed (when she climbed out about 3 months ago), A was avoiding napping at all cost. She doesn't scream to get up or cry when we put her down.  Instead she sings every song she knows, names every person in our family, calls out the names of her friends, calls out the toys she sees around her room... you get the picture.  If I'm in the right frame of mind, it's pretty fun to sit in the hall and listen to her.  Especially now in her big-girl bed.  She can stand up (which earns a spanking if we catch her), hang onto her bed rail, and see herself in the mirror.  I first discovered her doing this, dancing back and forth, and telling herself she was pretty.  (Ugh!  I mean, she is, but have I created a monster???)  So you see, naps are a rarity these days.  If she happens to fall asleep in the car she's good, but otherwise she's up for almost two hours playing, and once every few days she actually falls asleep.  It's exhausting to this pregnant mama, and a little nerve-wracking to imagine no naps when I have a newborn, too.

Back to the stalling tactics.  These include but are not limited to,

"I cannot take a nap."  "I don't yike to go to seep."  "Can we wead da Jesus Bible 'gain?"  "I yove you."  "Want to give baby sister a kiss."  (This involves kissing my belly button, which is apparently a portal through which the girls can talk and hug and kiss already.  Ha!)  "Will you say prayers 'gain?"   "Mommy!  I'm going to stand up!"

You get the picture.  How can you say 'no' to saying more prayers?  Apparently even a spanking is preferred to sleeping.  Our girl is definitely a mess.  And - not to brag - but how smart to use Jesus to stall?

I used to think my frustration about naptime was selfishness on my part.  That I just wanted that time alone, to catch up on email or shower or start dinner in peace or whatever.  That's certainly true at times.  I just cannot be convinced that a two year old doesn't need a nap!  Especially when she's whiny and grumpy all afternoon afterwards.  Or when she wakes up the next day like this:

Anyone with morning hair like this has had some desperately-needed sleep!  I'm at a loss on all future naps.  Sigh.  Perhaps she's just my girl in all respects: too nosy or interested in what's going on around her to calm down.  Heaven knows she's every once of mine in other ways...